Jack Bauer is bringing 24 to London – but where should the drama unfold?

We would like to recommend Jack has an afternoon pint in Wetherspoons, a wander round the shops and maybe a stroll by the river – if he can get to grips with the tube map

You thought he was gone for ever, but Jack Bauer – Kiefer Sutherland’s grizzled, depressed, sporadically heroin-addicted father-slash-torturer – is back. A new series of 24, subtitled Live Another Day, arrives in May. Better yet, it’s set in London. Here are some locations he should definitely utilise:

1 Every series of 24 begins with Jack Bauer as a wreck – sometimes bearded, and caught up in a self-pitying fug of misery and loneliness. Where better for this scene than in a Wetherspoons pub in the middle of the afternoon? Perhaps The Capitol in Forest Hill; a vast converted cinema that effortlessly ramps up the hopelessness of anyone seen drinking there. Just imagine Jack’s despair when he orders a beef madras, only to be told that he’s arrived a day late for Curry Club.

2 Jack’s fought in wars, beheaded bad guys, witnessed nuclear explosions and indirectly caused the death of his evil father on an exploding oil rig. But is he ready for his toughest challenge – walking all the way up Oxford Street, against the flow of pedestrians, and into the Marble Arch branch of Primark to buy his daughter Kim an acrylic penguin onesie? This question needs to be answered.

3 Part of the appeal of 24 is seeing the characters move around in real time. With that in mind, how much airtime should be taken up with Jack acting like a real American tourist and standing at the entrance to a tube station, hopelessly attempting to decipher a map of the Underground in order to work out how to get to Buckingham Palace? Half an episode? A full episode? The entire series? Longer?

4 24 wouldn’t be 24 without an excessively violent interrogation scene or two. But who should Jack interrogate? While it’d obviously be wonderful to see him try to electrocute Katharina Fritsch’s giant blue chicken on Trafalgar Square’s fourth plinth, it’d be even more fun to see him on the South Bank forcing information out of one of those gold-painted juggling street entertainers. That, if nothing else, would be giving us what we want. Jack Bauer, your public demands it.

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